Well, the suffering is done and over with. My grandma passed this morning, and my feelings about this are bittersweet. This word, bittersweet, seems to be a theme for me for the last three weeks after having the most wonderful time in Tennessee visiting Ray, my best friend and co-founder of Frees. He has been so good through all of this, and the irony is not lost on either of us that the cancer situations that we have both been through--him with his mom and another very close personal friend--and me with my grandmother--have borne striking similarities to one another. We believe that God has divinely connected us, and I believe that it is for the divine purpose that this group should grow and prosper into the support system that I believe God intended it to be. Now a little bit about my state of mind during the last few days of her life: As I have written before, I have had times in which I have thought that I couldn't go on watching her suffer, and so I would question God, and pray for her. God knows I have said a lot of rosaries and Divine Mercy chaplets for her, and I didn't feel that I was seeing any results coming out of my prayers. So Tuesday morning I went with a friend of mmine to a little parish retreat, and I was feeling, again, like watching her suffer was too much to bear. So, during tthe break between morning Mass and the start of the retreat, I expressed to God that I felt like he wasn't drawing close enough to me in my time of need. I begged and pleaded with Him that He would end her suffering, either by curing her or by taking her, but I made it clear that I was at the end of my rope and couldn't watch her suffer much longer. It was that night that her mental faculties started slipping away, and she was in and out of touch with reality, occasionally having halucinations. Her state steadily declined in the two days that followed, and she started talking aboutt how she was back in England. That was when I knew it was the end. I got the call from my mother at about five fifteen that she had passed, peacefully. And now I want to extend big thank-yous to Ray, who never ceases tto overwhelm and amaze me with his endless love, compassion and supportt, and to the people I told about it this morning, among them my church grandma, Lois Beal. She is another one who never ceases tto overwhelm me with her compassion, love and support. I also want to thank the people on an email list that I am on, the wonderful people of St. James 224. I hope that all of you who read this will feel encouraged, uplifted and loved by God no matter the situation that you are facing right now. Cancer sucks, and with your help and support I hope that we can, one day, suck as well--the life right out of cancer. Please pray for me, and be assured that I pray for all of you, wherever you are.
Hello to all of you: I know it's been a long while since you have seen any posts from me. But I have been going through a lot. A lot of things have changed in my life. In June 2017, I started taking classes to become a certified Healthcare musician from an online program called Therapy Harp Training program. The website if you are interested is www.therapyharp.com. I am still in that program and doing well. In 2016 I started singing at a nursing home in Lebanon, Tennessee called the Pavillion. Since that time I am singing at five nursing homes at the beginning of each month. I was asked to sing at another nursing home and I'm currently trying to get that set up. I will try to write as often as I can and continue to spread some inspiration and encouragement along the way. I was thinking while I was going over the posts on this blog that I am so blessed beyond measure, hence the title for this post. God has been so good to me in so many ways. He has given me a great family,...
Praying for you, Sarah - and for the eternal rest of your grandmother.
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